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I don't think that I've ever been away from this place for such a long period of time... but here we are � and it's not April anymore... 2009 was a pretty bad year, not a lot of money, lots of heartache. Since Dave, there has been a string of guys that turned out to be in the middle of a serious episode of depression... One should think that I would have learned my lesson by now, and maybe I have, but unfortunately, they're not wearing signs around their necks. It always starts out great. They think, I'm so great. They do everything for me, they lavish their attention on me like I'm the one and only. They tell me they've got the same goals in life that I have. Then after only a little while, it feels like they're losing their colour, like they're fading out... Of course, I do notice that. But by then, I already care about them, want to stay together with them. I also want the �hunt� to be over. I want my safe haven and all that shit. And I'm an understanding person, so I'm giving them the space, time, and freedom they need. And after a while longer, it's only a sad compromise with many rough edges and hurts that need to be avoided. The last guy, Daniel, was no exception... This time, I saw his deficits and was able to protect myself emotionally pretty well. Then came Christmas and four days of bliss spent with him. I think it was the nicest Christmas ever. You might remember that my birthday is Christmas Eve and sharing with Jesus is not always the biggest fun. It was great to be with him in the center of attention. So I started to let my guard down. BIG MISTAKE: We were supposed to spend New Year's together as well... A few days before that he told me on the phone that we were going to see each other again �next year�... Yes folks, that is how I got the information that there wouldn't be New Year's together... It all started to feel like a huge waste of time. Then I got tinnitus. And texted him about it, totally freaked out... And he didn't call me that day. Not once. The next day, after a rough night, I ended things. The day after that he picked up another girl on the internet that is spending the weekend with him as we speak... Godspeed. She's got no idea what she's in for. Cause he won't be able to fulfill her wishes and dreams either.
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